My Thoughts On The Priesthood Ban

FOR ME- the subject of the Priesthood Ban (and accused racism) in the
church is similar to that of polygamy. It is a topic that can get very
heated because of its conflicting modern day teachings. It is sticky,
complex and has a range of opinions and emotions attached to its
history that make it hard to discuss without coming across as either
naïve, unsympathetic, presumptuous, self-righteous, cantankerous or
disbelieving. What adds to its complexity is that it is a taboo
topic/question in our church settings, typically not approached in our
weekly church meetings and General Conference talks, yet pontificated
upon in other "churchish" settings (missionary lessons, religion
classes, family firesides, blogging, etc...), questioned privately
among believers, and rampantly discussed publicly by outsiders and
adversaries. To brush off the inquiries and subject would be ignorant
to the genuine, and yet to harp on it can be disheartening and
spiritually deterring.

I have heard from the best of non-official leaders (professors, stake
presidents, institute teachers and even well intended senior
missionaries) their personal (be it hopeful or assumed) reasonings for
the Priesthood ban (and polygamy). And in my early missionary days I
may have been guilty of perpetuating un-official ideas and reasons. I
dealt with the subject quite intensely as a missionary who was
constantly being accused of belonging to a racist church (even took
some spit in the face over that one). While unresolved, I was able to
reach a peaceful place with trust in God but never really having any
sure ground on the subject. Always wanting to quickly bring people to
the present day, what we believe/practice NOW because that was where I
felt comfortable, what I knew was right. Never really understanding
why my eternal unchanging Father in Heaven with His eternal unchanging
doctrine could/would have orchestrated such conflicting principles; To
declare all men created equal then disallow the Priesthood be given to
all men. Although I could certainly be on board and grateful for the
1978 revelation to re-instate it.

I have since studied histories that have detailed the background of
circumstances and events leading to the ban and the 1978 revelation,
and feel I have created my own personal space where I can peacefully
and yet maybe a little uncomfortably wait it out with this one.

How do we explain past revelation that conflicts with modern day teaching?


Some decisively say that although they don't know why, they believe
the Priesthood ban was orchestrated for Gods purpose, by Him. I can't
say that. Others, as decisively, say it was not God's will, it was
wrong and not His work. I can not say this either. I'm uncomfortable
with elements of both actually.

First of all, I don't know an unfair God. I only personally know a
Father who has been ever just, merciful and kind to me, only allowing
pain but not inflicting it. In no way do I ever think that someone
ever received less consideration from Him, nor were subject to someone
else's transgression/sin, based on the color of their skin. (But then
again, I also don't know/can't understand much of how God is portrayed
in the Old Testament with His cursings, destruction, command to
sacrifice a son or swipe lambs blood on the front of a door so that
the first born isn't killed. This is all much different than the
loving, teaching Father I feel in my life, so I struggle with gelling
the differences).

Yet, because I do believe He has all wisdom He COULD do or allow
something for a reason we have no way of mortally understanding-
trumping any emotion, idea or limited judgment we may have on the
matter.

Contrastingly, while I believe that God speaks to his servants I don't
believe he micro-manages them. I believe all of us, including
leaders, are subject to our sphere (cultural/familial) influences and
that God works within us, individually using our understanding,
experiences, knowledge and time (I see this evident not only in my
relationship with Him, but in His processes of revelations to Joseph
Smith and other Prophets). He answers what we ask. (ie...revelation on
baptism, polygamy and blacks with the Priesthood). And while I don't
necessarily believe this, I can see how the implementation of blacks
not receiving the Priesthood (knowing that initially Joseph had
ordained some black men) could have been something that God ALLOWED
rather than prescribed.

I could carry on in both positions, I can see both. But my point is: I
do not believe that we need to believe in and/or support the
Priesthood ban being divinely inspired in order to believe in the
church being divinely organized and inspired.

Some people call these "shelf" issues. Things to put on the shelf and
wait upon, they'll "work out in time". I have a few of those, and
while I am content with waiting, how do we resolve enough of it in our
own hearts so that we can adequately respond to others and not let it
be a stumbling block to our belief?

That was really a question. :)

Here's what I think...we just keep working on it. Not ignoring or
overly acknowledging. We learn how to shelf some of our issues,
occasionally taking inventory when concerns arise or enlightenment
occurs. We readjust and remember what really matters. Like a marriage
we may discover our "rose colored glasses" view of the church with
possibly unrealistic perfect aspirations... occasionally, sometimes
drastically or even slightly- has little quirks that bug, nuances that
fester, a past with baggage...or hard, intense questions and concerns
that arise and shake us (of course I'm only guessing here with
these)... :) We may find that some things will take some work and a
little getting used to. Stretching ourselves, testing our patience and
endurance, shifting our previous perspectives, forcing humility, and
maybe even bringing some pain. Yet, we cling to it still. We cling to
it because we have
FAITH.
HOPE.
CHARITY.
Because we feel glimmers of indescribable peace and joy and we yearn
for an everlasting version of it. Because we know that any
inconvenience will be WORTH it. Because we're in it for the growth.
And because the precious, even heavenly moments (when we are willing
to acknowledge them) are ALWAYS there. And, although our shelf is too-
with all its questions and clutter (some more crowded than others)
those precious moments (call them tender mercies, personal
revelations, encirclings of love, powerful spiritual
impressions/experiences) somehow help us leave them unsettled for
another day.

And then hopefully we can share all that is marvelous and good with
others and still honestly approach the unexplainable.

...Just some rantings/opinions from a slightly sleep-deprived truth
seeker- by the light of her purple blackberry. *Subject to change upon
further light

Take what you will :) loves to you all

Sara

Quickly turn it upside down...

No-one likes a frowny face.

Family Home Evening memories.

Disappearing around the corner

Today is my Grandma Bev's birthday. Happy Birthday dear Grandma.

Grandma left this earth about nine years ago while I was serving a mission. I still have a vivid picture seared in my mind of her frantically trying to scurry me along at the M.T.C. She was the only one there to drop me off. She had been my roommate for the months leading up to that departing. Letting me stay at her house while I commuted to college. Waiting up for me every night to hear the latest on my life. I'll forever cherish that time.

She had on a nice house dress, and her classic pinkish peach lipstick. Always classy, but always ready in a jiffy. We had sung "Called to Serve" and gone through the whole presentation with the classic "some say they don't like the food here, but what you eat here will definitely be better than where you're going" talk and everything else. She was almost pacing in place, nervously. Had her hand on her mouth, pursing her lips tightly to try and hide the tears coming. She always did that. Always tried to hide her tears. She said something about how I had better get on my way, almost immediately after the presentation was over.

So I was one of the first missionaries up and out to the door, excited and ready for my venture! But before I went through it, I looked back once more. And there she was. Ever stoic Grandma. Widowed at 30 Grandma. Never complaining, steadfast and immovable, ever serving, ever giving, utterly selfless, Grandma. Peering through the hallway to still watch me, secretly, from a distance. The tears flowing freely from her now, wiping quickly when she saw me looking.

Made me start to cry. Really cry. And then almost because she couldn't bare it, and didn't want us to linger together in sadness, didn't want to disrupt the focus and work ahead of me, she left. Disappearing around the corner.

I didn't know that goodbye was my last one with her. And even thinking about it now makes the very cry return. And I think of how even after all these years, it's still hard to not have her in my life.

How am I doin grandma?

How about these kiddos?!

How is it with Grandpa?

...I miss you....

It's hard to turn the corner. Hard to let someone disappear for now as you walk through the other doors ahead in life.

Hard to not have my grandma here.

But I know she would say that's nonsense and tell me to just keep on. To keep hope. To look to heaven.

So, I will.

"...Tis not the end but genesis
Of better worlds and greater lightGod, touch Thou my aching heart
And calm my troubled, haunting fears
Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure
Give strength and peace beyond my tears.

There is no death, but only change
With recompense for vict'ry won
The gift of Him who loved all men
The Son of God, the Holy One.. "

I love you Grandma.

Our Cup Runneth Over

Talmage Spencer and Emelyn Rose Lake. Born April 12, 2012. Talmage: 6lbs.13oun. 20inch
Emelyn: 6lbs.14oun 19 1/4 inch

Life is grand.

The three of us!

This is an amateur shot (my 4year old Kamorah took) of me today- in all my glory! We're at 36 weeks now and I am feeling great! Still pretty comfortable, and assuming these little ones will be sticking around in side for a few more weeks yet. We are hopeful they will come on their own, and as long as the stress tests are fine we can let them come when they want to. If I didn't feel two distinct babies inside I would still not believe I am having TWO! Thanks be to Heaven.

Our latest news!

Can you make out any features?

Deep in the Heart of Texas

Surprise!

...and this doesn't even really capture it. ....more to come :)

November in Texas

For Today: There's just something amazing about being able to swim comfortably in the Ocean, IN NOVEMBER! ...and jumping in an ocean-side heated pool afterwards. :)

Too Excited To Stand It!

For Today: It's tradition round our house, like most of ya'alls- to make and decorate a special cake for the Birthday person. I yield some of my perfectionist reign to the exploratory skills of my children. Usually makes for several adventurous hours. Jericho's cake making this year was a hoot! You see, My Morzy- despite my best sugar rationing efforts- is admittedly "in love" with treats. Watching her have to spend hours with her hands drenched in her greatest temptation was like watching an alcoholic at a wine tasting event (since I've seen that before...ha). I could tell it was all she could do to not dive into the cake. The next day, Spence and I watched this Saturday Night Live clip and it so reminded me of her. I admire people who live with such excitability and uncontrollable passion. http://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=CA&client=mv-google&hl=en&v=4hQlH0Uo7Xw

A Nod to the Cart Full

For today: Have you ever seen one of these? I hadn't. Totally made my running-around-with-my-three-little-duckies day. Felt like someone was acknowledging me in my Mothering efforts, a little tap on the back of encouragement. It was gratifying to park here, and I proudly unloaded my crew into the shopping cart. It seemed too good to be true. I looked around me feeling as though some secret camera were recording me for a "mothers in action" segment. Someone at this store understands. It just felt good. (Despite the fact that I got my wallet stolen at the same store, but that's another story- let's enjoy the sign)... :)

Oh Boy, I Got Joy

When I realized my last post was announcing the arrival of our precious boy and yesterday we celebrated our first year with him, I nudgingly thought it due time to dust off the 'ole blog and get to postin. It sure helps that I discovered a simple email method of posting from my phone so I no longer have the excuse of the "no computer with internet". So...here I am! Nearly a year later with many a topics and adventures to discuss. Expect the post to be a comin! For today: One of our new favorite Joy School songs that we dramatically sing around our house declares "Oh boy! I got Joy, I do, I do"! We relish it in all it's cheesy glory. We sing it mostly because of our little Jericho. "Ko", "Koz", "Kozy", "Bruds" (brother), of all his nicknames, the most appropriately given him is "Joy Boy". The girls decided to call him that, and rightly so. Never in my life have I been around anyone who emits so much light and joy. He beams. It seems to come right out of those glossy big blue eyes and grab at you. It is impossible to be truly down in his presence. Like all children, he loves so purely with out judgment. I know I'm his mother so I am terribly biased, but there is something different in this boy. He seems to see the soul. He unravels me in a way that helps me forget worries and embrace my blessings. Having him in my life has added an entirely new dimension to my ability to love and feel love from others. He is one of God's greatest gifts to me and I pray that I can cherish him enough to show my gratitude. Thanks to Heaven for this past year with my angel boy Jericho.

He's Here!!

Well... he's been here! 7 weeks already actually! Our little Jericho Bryven (after his Grandpa's BRYant and SteVEN) Was Born November 2nd via C-Section (due to placenta previa). He was 8lbs. 1ounc. 22 inches long. He's more than a delight. It's just amazing to have him in our home, to feel his light, to snuggle up to, to kiss, to sing to, to dream about, to love and feel his love. We are so blessed and honored to have him come to our family. At 5 weeks he weighed in at 11lbs. 15 ounc. and was nearly 25 inches long-yahoo! He's growing strong and eating lots. He now smiles and can balance his head a bit.

He appears to have his Daddy's big blue eyes, his Grandpa's temperaments, He's just perfect.


Welcome precious Boy. We love you



This is indeed our merriest Christmas...

(Sorry for the neglect in blogging, we no longer have internet at home, but are holidaying on the Texas Coast!)

My head rests again on my own pillow

I only have a few minutes to try and write an update before we turn over the computer for a few weeks, so I won't be able to post pictures until then...

Two weeks ago my little gals and I boarded a plane headed to California to surprise my Grandma and Grandpa (who are serving as full time missionaries there) and visit uncles, aunts and cousins (most of whom I haven't seen in years). After a few savoring days of just being together- talking, swimming, playing, laughing, boating, etc...we drove with family to St. George where all my siblings (except Seth on his mission) and their families were waiting for a good time! We played night games, did silly improv skits, sang, laughed, went to the temple, raced mini cars, discussed the gospel, hiked the narrows at Zion National Park, took in "Annie" at Tuacahn, bumper boated, bat swung and thoroughly enjoyed just being together! Spence was able to use a voucher to fly into St. George for a few days before he had to return to take a final on his Birthday.

Then we headed up North since I would be flying out of Salt Lake on Friday, stopping along the way for a quick visit to old Provo and sleeping in Park City. I had planned the trip a few months ago and was so sad to learn on the day I was leaving that I would be missing my nephews baptism and a chance to see more family that would be driving down from Oregon a day later. I contacted the airline only to find out that it would be an additional $374/per person to fly out Saturday or Sunday. I was heartbroken and felt sick that I was clear in Utah with my girls and would have to leave before they could see their Great Grandma Lake, my parents-in-love, my brother and sister-in-love and have a chance to enjoy being with all their little cousins- whom I knew we probably wouldn't be seeing for another year and a half.

For some reason it was a particularly big deal emotionally to me, and against my wishes- I was crying before we drove to the airport and got on the plane. I felt so sad for my girls having to miss out on being with more family as I was taking them far away back to Texas.

We waited for about 45 minutes on the plane before the pilot came on and said "all flights in and out of Denver have been grounded due to thunderstorms". With no explanation of what that meant we waited in the plane another hour before I heard "Those of you who were connecting to San Antonio will most likely miss your connecting flight and you may wish to rebook your flight for another day".

That flight was the last one into San Antonio that night and the next flights for the next day were booked.

So, needless to say we were able to see all the Lake family that came in and be there for the baptism. In addition we were also able to see all the extended family on my Dad's side for the 4th of July.

Heaven is definitely aware of the details of our lives. And I apologize to those people who had to sleep over at the Denver airport or wait all day to try and get on a flight on my behalf, but those thunderstorms were a tender mercy for me and my gals.

And although we had another rough day of waiting, grounded flights, racing and barely making our connecting flight by seconds, making it home around midnight,-we spent last night in our own beds. I slept in a room without my children and before I fell asleep my heart was filled with gratitude that we had been able to spend time with people so dear. And I slept wonderfully comfortable in my own bed.

Big Sisters

Adelaide and Kamorah love playing house. They feed, change, sing, rock, teach, read and play with babies. For a while now they have been asking when they get to have a "real baby".

Well...















the Doctor says late October

18 weeks


20 weeks


Gender shot...we didn't see anything? What might that mean....???


And we feel heaven blessed.

Bring Him Home

This song has long been a family favorite but I had a particularly moving experience today while watching our traditional National Memorial Day Concert. Colm Wilkinson, the classic Broadway Jean Valjean, performed this song in a different setting. He is older now, grayer, more wrinkled, yet maintains the beautiful control and emotional captivation in his voice. For me he does more than perform this song, for a moment he becomes it. He sang this song surrounded by the names of fallen soldiers and in the presence of veterans,wounded soldiers and families. It overwhelmed me. To think of one willing to give their life for another. The thought that so many have already done that for me. The selfless pleading to God to spare someone else. The undeserving grace bestowed upon us from earthly and heavenly beings.

I am grateful to have been able to visit the National World War II Museum in New Orleans. After viewing a stirring video of eye witness accounts you begin walking through fields of photos of soldiers, reading their stories and feeling of the tragedies. It is probably the closest I have felt to understanding what war must be like and feeling at least a bit of what sacrifice has been made. While walking from one section to the next you walk down a bridge like structure and immediately find yourself facing this picture in a larger than life size.


It took my breath away. It actually felt like we were one of them on the boats, getting ready to jump off and face the shore of D-Day at Normandy. I didn't want to walk any further.

I wonder if they knew what was facing them? I almost wanted to yell out, "don't get off"! And although real life would've been in color, I imagine it felt much like this picture, dark and desperate-lacking the joys and color of life- bleak, unforgiving, black and white war. Of course we know this moment to be many soldiers last, as they walked into horror on the death filled shoreline.

They say we thank our fallen heros by living each day in gratitude, recognizing the precious gift of life and freedom. To those heros: thank you... today and always, I pray to be worthy of that gift you have given me at such a high cost.

American War Heroes Tribute

Because we all need to take a few minutes to contemplate the high cost paid for the freedom we enjoy

What A Spring Break!

Some call us crazy, but for Spring break we loaded our little family into our van and started East! We knew we wanted to head towards Florida and stop in a few places along our way, but we wanted to be spontaneous, so we only actually planned 2 nights of our week long stay. We got plenty prepared with maps, information, city to do lists, camping gear and loads of food...we figured if all else failed, we could always find somewhere to put up a tent, or sleep in our van. So we ventured out-not knowing beforehand the things which we should do!

And what a blast we had! Thanks to cheap camp sites and priceline's 11pm same day reservations, we were able to stay in awesome locations on a small budget! We stayed in Baton Rouge-LA, New Orleans-LA, Pensacola-FL and Destin Beach-FL, stopping at nearly every beach and historical marker along the way! There is far too much to post about this trip, so I thought I'd start with a few of the videos I took. I'll sort through the mounds of pictures later...(I'll do everything later right..wink wink).

Needless to say, it was one of those...relationship strengthening-(come back so much more in love), entire family entertaining, educational, peaceful, exhilarating, spiritual, reflective, exhausting, always going to remember, perfect time and money spent- kind of family vacations.

CREATE

Silence from this 3 year old is never a good thing...

Mom wonders why the sudden silence from her 3 year old...

Mom calls from the other room:"Hey Addz, whatcha doin in there?"

Daughter suspiciously replies:"Nothing"

Now skeptical, Mom makes her way to a newly closed door, opens it-

Mom: Big Gasp!

3 Year old:"I wanted short hair like you Mom"...


Self cut hairdo




















Mom's fixer cut hairdo
























Like Mother like daughter :)