Sunday, October 21, 2007

One of the saddest...

It's the wee small hours of the morning and I am sitting here waiting for the laundry to be done so I thought I might share one of the saddest things that happened today. An hour ago I had a feeling to go check on Addy. I walked into her room and immediately smelled throw-up. I turned on the light to see her, sound asleep and covered in it. I felt so bad. Not only had she experienced that horrible experience of throwing up, but she was alone and had comforted herself back to sleep. I was so sad that I wasn't there for her. It's got to be one of the worst things just to see your children go through pain, let alone to not be there for them during it. After covering her new bed in it (which ironically is one of the cutest beds and brand new) we cleaned her off and Spence took her into our bedroom where she didn't make it before getting more out on our bed as well. Poor thing. It's amazing how nothing else seems to matter but getting them better. I don't care if I have to ruin a million comforter and bed sets if my children can always feel that they matter more and that we are there for them. I still feel so bad just thinking of her there, in the dark of her room, feeling so sick...It makes me want to cuddle up next to them every night and not leave. I love my children more than myself. This is surely some of what Father in Heaven feels. His only pain in seeing His children's pain. I am so grateful that He is there for us so together we can be the perfect parents for our children. Some nights I have to give them over to Him, place them in His care so that I can actually sleep. I know they are close to Him and I can feel how much He loves them. And in all my imperfections as a Mother, I feel honored just to be a part of it, with them, my heavenly friends.

She got showered and chattered the entire time, obviously feeling better and is now asleep with her Dad in the guest room. We will see how she is in the morning. Meanwhile I'm in between loads of towels, and bedding, still a little worried for her, counting my blessings and feeling closer to heaven, so I thought I would share.

7 comments:

Lakes are Great said...

Um that story is very sad and it kind of made my stomach hurt...I want to see pics of the house all cute and decorated!

Tweety, JimBo, and Teen Wolf said...

That is so sad! I'm glad to hear she was doing better! That is totally how I feel about Emi, I love her just so much! I really can't ever get enough of her. She is too precious for words, and I know this is how you feel and so many more mothers out there. What a beautiful calling we have been given here on earth. I love reading your blog and remembering how much more grateful I need to be! Thank you!!!

Sally said...

That really is the worst, seeing them in pain, or wretching their guts out and not being able to do anything about it.

Hope Addy gets better soon! And hope Mora doesn't get it!

Brianne and Jarod Stewart said...

Sara..I can totally empathize with you, and have thought the exact same thing. I totally lost it in the hospital when they circumsized Isaac. I would have done anything to take the pain away from him! It was the first time I really realized how hard it must have been for our Father in Heaven to watch his son go through so much agony, and better yet, how much he truly loves us! (After thinking about that..I couldn't stop crying..it took the nurses a while to calm me down :) We are truly blessed to have these little ones in our lives!

Hope Addy feels better!

RaeLynn said...

Thanks for sharing that. Even though I totally felt sad for Addy (because I have had similar experiences with Cole) I liked how you ended it...on a happy note, and feeling closer to Heaven. What a great thought.

Nordfelt Family said...

Sara,
I know exactly how you feel. My little KC did the same thing, only add the overflowing diaper with it. I went to check on him, and he was just laying there, sucking his thumb, waiting for someone to come and get him. Oh man, nothing is more important than making your little ones feel loved and safe.

janet said...

Having sick children really is humbling. You want to help them, but you kind of have to wait for it to pass... (cuddling sick kids is my favorite though.) Sometimes I think about mothers in third world countries.. (or even here in the US) who have to watch their children go to bed hungry and I feel so grateful for all that I have... I honestly can't imagine not being able to care for my own kids and make their world safe and comfortable. Thanks for sharing.. Parenthood is truly incredible.